All relationships go through ups and downs, but if you’ve been feeling like there are more difficult days than happy ones lately, you might be having what’s known as relationship burnout. Experiencing burnout in your relationship is more than just the occasional disagreement. It feels different from normal day-to-day arguments that are easy to eventually move on from. Recognizing and addressing burnout early in a relationship is crucial to overcoming the low points and getting your relationship back on track.
Just because you feel emotionally drained in your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean your time together must come to an end. You just need to know what signs to look for, figure out why you’re feeling this way, and learn steps you can take to get through this rough patch. Keep reading to learn more about relationship fatigue and burnout.
5 Signs That Your Relationship Is Draining You
There are a few tell-tale signs of burnout in relationships. Feeling disconnected, not having sex anymore, being impatient with one another, or thinking badly of your partner are all common relationship problems that signal that something more is going on.
1. Emotional exhaustion: Feeling drained or disconnected
Emotional relationship exhaustion is when you’re in a state of mind where you no longer feel a deep connection to your partner. This emotional exhaustion can manifest as feeling drained or completely overwhelmed or like you just don’t have any energy to give to the relationship. Being emotionally worn out often stems from prolonged or extreme stress that causes you to slowly detach from the relationship.
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2. Decreased intimacy and communication
Lack of intimacy or an increase in communication issues is a clear sign that your relationship is no longer giving you what you need. To maintain a strong bond with one another, you must both put in the time and effort. It’s important to stay connected to each other and learn how to communicate in healthy ways. Without these skills, it becomes easier for either partner to disengage from the relationship.
3. Negative thoughts or feelings towards the partner
All couples go through periods where they don’t feel as close — this is a normal part of any relationship. However, if you’re having constant or increasingly negative thoughts about your partner, it might be a good idea to start exploring why you feel this way and where your thoughts are coming from.
4. Reduced empathy or patience
Empathy and patience are the cornerstone of any relationship. When you can’t see their side of things, or you don’t have the patience to show compassion and work through problems, it quickly leads to bigger issues. It’s hard to be in a relationship where there’s constant fighting, you’re annoyed by each other’s presence, or there is no attempt to understand one another’s perspective.
5. Lack of interest in spending time together
Spending time apart and maintaining individuality is healthy in any relationship, but a noticeable lack of interest in being together can be a sign of relationship burnout. If you consistently prefer solo activities, make excuses to avoid shared time, or feel emotionally drained by the idea of being with your partner, it could indicate deeper disconnection.
While prioritizing “me-time” and socializing separately is important, a strong relationship should still include a desire to connect and enjoy each other’s company.
Unpacking the Causes of Relationship Burnout
If you’ve realized you might be burned out in your relationship, getting to the root cause of why is an essential first step toward healing. Understanding why you feel disconnected from your partner will help you take active steps to reconnect and get your relationship in a more positive, healthy place.
External stress factors
It’s impossible to go through life without feeling stressed from time to time. Factors like work demands, family issues, and financial pressures can all be sources of stress in a relationship. Left unchecked, they can exacerbate any other struggles you’re dealing with and turn into relationship stress. Developing strong coping skills ensures you can manage anxiety so it doesn’t impact your relationship with emotional detachment.
Unrealistic expectations and communication gaps
Unhealthy expectations and poor communication can do near-irreparable harm to relationships — and unfortunately, they often go hand-in-hand. If you have unrealistic expectations of your partner and you’re not clearly communicating your needs or desires, it won’t take long for things to spiral. When that happens, it can lead to relationship burnout that’s increasingly challenging to overcome.
Emotional or physical overload
Constantly giving emotional or physical support—whether to your partner, family, or others—can be exhausting, leaving little energy for maintaining a healthy relationship. When one or both partners are overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities, work stress, or other demands, emotional exhaustion can set in, leading to disconnection and resentment. Without balance, this overload can contribute to relationship burnout, making it difficult to sustain intimacy and connection.
How to Overcome Relationship Burnout
Fortunately, if you have the will and desire to rebuild your relationship, there are several ways you can move forward and heal. Studies show that people who learn to harness psychological resilience can regain positive feelings about their relationship, even if they’ve experienced significant struggles with their partner.
There are several ways to establish resilience and find the strength to work on your relationship.
Open communication with your partner
Having an open, productive communication style is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. The first step is learning how to communicate better in your relationship so you truly understand one another. When you know how to communicate and you “get” each other’s styles, it’s much easier to express yourself so both of you feel heard and validated. This ensures you can share your feelings without every conversation turning into a huge battle.
“Communication is often a core issue when it comes to relationship turmoil and burnout. It is important to learn how to be open and communicate effectively. Engaging in active and reflective listening skills ensures that both parties understand the context of the conversation and issue. It is important to make sure both parties are on the same page. Repeating back with statements like, ‘So what you are saying is… Is that right?’ or ‘This is how I understood it…Is it different from what you mean?’ can foster the idea that active listening is occurring and honest efforts to get on the same page are being made.”
Take time for yourself
Self-care is vital to a healthy relationship. It gives you time to recharge and reset so you have the energy to give to your partner without feeling resentful or burned out. Self-care can be as small as going for a hike with friends, having “down-time” to read or take a bath, or doing anything you enjoy that refreshes your spirit.
Reignite intimacy
It’s not uncommon for couples to lose some of their intimacy as time goes on. Especially if you’ve been together for a long time, being physically connected can start to feel more like a chore than an expression of the deep bond you share.
While the frequency of sex (or a lack of it) doesn’t always mean problems for couples, it’s important to explore why this might be happening and make sure it’s not complicating other aspects of the relationship — like infidelity or emotionally checking out.
“When relationship burnout occurs, it’s hard to get back to a space where intimacy is wanted. It takes time to rebuild that and want that. Re-prioritizing the relationship and taking time to relearn one another through date nights, honest and vulnerable communication, and what each partner is hoping to work through together will allow for the momentum for intimacy to reignite. Being hurt and on the offense all the time makes it hard to do that. Finding the path to be vulnerable with one another can reignite that passion. Seeking professional help to achieve that is always a positive move in that direction.”
Set realistic expectations
Being realistic about the expectations you have for your partner ensures you aren’t constantly disappointed by them or their actions. Clearly communicating what you need from the relationship helps establish boundaries so you both know what the other expects. It opens the door to having constructive conversations about what does (and doesn’t) work for each of you.
Seek professional help
It’s well-documented that couples therapy can improve and strengthen a relationship, especially during difficult periods. In fact, research suggests that 70% of couples who seek therapy see positive benefits. If you’re feeling burned out in your partnership, it might be time to seek outside professional help and reap the benefits of couples therapy.
In therapy, you can focus on things like:
- Learning how to communicate
- Setting boundaries
- Finding compatible parenting styles
- Recovering from financial issues
- Developing conflict resolution skills
- Anything else straining your bond and weakening your connection
Re-Energize Your Relationship with Therapy
Knowing how to identify relationship burnout is essential to overcoming it. It might seem like a lot to take on initially, but even small steps can improve your mental and emotional well-being, individually and as a couple. With the right guidance and skills, you can re-energize and fix your relationship so it’s healthy and empowering instead of exhausting and draining.
Healing from burnout in relationships is a process that won’t happen overnight, and asking for help is OK. It’s brave and shows how dedicated you are to reconnecting with your partner. Talkspace offers online couples therapy as a powerful way to repair your relationship. Learn more about online therapy for couples by reaching out today.